I have been off Facebook for four weeks now (except for playing games and sometimes sending stuff to other people). Nobody has sent a message asking if I’m okay.
I have been off Twitter for about two and a half weeks. Nobody has sent a message asking if I’m okay.
I’m still checking emails, but nobody has sent a message there, either.
Intellectually, I know that people didn’t respond to my Facebook posts or tweets because they are busy and (especially given that most people I know on either or both have much bigger circles than I do) either didn’t see my post or just don’t have time to respond.
But in my screwed-up head, the demons run amok. “The reason they don’t respond is because they haven’t noticed your gone. You’re not that important. They don’t care about you.”
With the demons in control, I find that I am retreating from society. I still go bowling, I still talk to my teammates, I still talk to the people at work in our meetings. But at the beginning of the year, I had resolved to try to start getting out more. And I didn’t feel as anxious as I have in the past. But I feel as though I am rebuilding the shell that I built around myself after Stony Brook in 1986. It took twenty years to even begin to break out of that shell, and I don’t really want to go back there.
But if I go back into my shell, then maybe the apathy won’t hurt as much.
NOTE ON THE TITLE: I have been studying for a computer networking certification for about six weeks now. Any further explanation would bore you to tears (if anybody’s reading this).