Port 22 – Secure Shell

I have been off Facebook for four weeks now (except for playing games and sometimes sending stuff to other people).  Nobody has sent a message asking if I’m okay.

I have been off Twitter for about two and a half weeks.  Nobody has sent a message asking if I’m okay.

I’m still checking emails, but nobody has sent a message there, either.

Intellectually, I know that people didn’t respond to my Facebook posts or tweets because they are busy and (especially given that most people I know on either or both have much bigger circles than I do) either didn’t see my post or just don’t have time to respond.

But in my screwed-up head, the demons run amok.  “The reason they don’t respond is because they haven’t noticed your gone.  You’re not that important.  They don’t care about you.”

With the demons in control, I find that I am retreating from society.  I still go bowling, I still talk to my teammates, I still talk to the people at work in our meetings.  But at the beginning of the year, I had resolved to try to start getting out more.  And I didn’t feel as anxious as I have in the past.  But I feel as though I am rebuilding the shell that I built around myself after Stony Brook in 1986.  It took twenty years to even begin to break out of that shell, and I don’t really want to go back there.

But if I go back into my shell, then maybe the apathy won’t hurt as much.


NOTE ON THE TITLE: I have been studying for a computer networking certification for about six weeks now.  Any further explanation would bore you to tears (if anybody’s reading this).

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